Miserable Retail Slave

WE'RE BACK. DID YOU MISS US?

 

Getting Older/ 100% genuine toots/ Cropdusting/ Metamucil Retail Slave/ Those side effects/ One Dollar Hot Dog and Bikini night/ Stick Men Tattoos/ Juggalos/ Red Solo Cups/ Walt’s Crawlers/ New logo/ Last place finish/ Randy becomes a GAMER/ Granny Panty Mondays/ Zitface 37/ Sled Dogg/ Tommy is Charlie Atlas/ Making empty promises/ Randy’s Career Fair/ Becoming a professional mourner/ The summer is over!!!/ The Miserable Hotline/ Randy is actually TRB/ Pulling off Joshua/ Online dating nonsense/ An impromptu rap battle/ All my Doctor Dooms are women/ PUNS/ why cats, crazy ladies?/ The Irony of Snake Eyes/ Fat Randy/ Tommy has carried the burden of FAT/ Tommy sees the faults in others/ Inducing sleep comas/ Big news, huge news

 

Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826


Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast
Follow Randy on Twitter: @mretailslave
Follow Tommy on Twitter: @TomEComedy

Intro: “Hard Times” by Dan “D-Boy” Amboy
Check out his music: https://soundcloud.com/dan-amboy


(Episode 128)

Direct download: S04E28._The_Cuckoo.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 5:48pm EDT

The Greatest Gift that retail can give/ Cole Slaw/ The next great action hero/ Tommy is Jiminy Cricket/ half pint/ Tommy consumed an alcohol lime/ the Mathiscast/ Retail Rats/ Seal your holes/ Pokemon Go/ Pokematch/ Catching Emojis/ Squirtle/ Dating ET/ Love Travels/ Collarbone slogans/ Tommy is a prized pig/ Zoo Dating/ What animal would you do?/ Online dating updates/ Randy is a prank being played on the world/ Randy’s thick neck/ Michigan hates us/ Rejection By Silence/ Online dating is like wrestling/ The Ways to Message/ Pun Master Supreme/ Randy is PMS/ Great Wolves/ An experiment/ The Darkness/ POETRY CLASS, a world of pretension/ Preemptive strike/ Randy should be the Shining Knight of this story/ Becoming an online dating champion/ Stone Cold Steve Urkel/ A gas station attendant tale/ Randy crushes a dream/ Tommy sells fun/ Music enhances the taste of beer/ Sasquatch’s Bunion/ Blowing privileges

 

Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826
 
 
Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast
Follow Randy on Twitter: @mretailslave
Follow Tommy on Twitter: @TomEComedy
 
Intro: “Hard Times” by Dan “D-Boy” Amboy
Check out his music: https://soundcloud.com/dan-amboy


(Episode 127)

Direct download: S04E27._Kevin_Needs_Cole_Slaw.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:43am EDT

This week: Perfect little lives/ The coffee cup/ Where’s your chaos, man?/ Tommy is a Gin Blossoms fan/ Senior Quotes/ We all About Those Oats and Hoes/ The adrenaline shakes/ That useless KITT from Knight Rider/ A Go Fund Me account to equip Randy’s car with a flamethrower/ The new Ghostbusters/ Tommy face looks like a pair of wind-up teeth/ No more classics/ Tommy asks a weird question/ They had a weird tone/ Online dating updates/ Hey, Bea Arthur. Hey/ Making a mix-tape/ Joining Farmer’s Only/ Tommy’s milking date/ Adamantium/ Geek moment/ Ego The Living Planet/ Kurt Russell/ Randy would be the most annoying living planet/ When heroes fail you/ Sgt. Slaughter/ Tommy hates wrestling/ Tommy’s cousin works for a Beach Boy/ David the Producer has a suggestion/ #ArmchairProducer/ The Convenience Nurse and her boyfriend, Webby/ The Convenience Nurse has a bad touch/ Feedback from last week’s show/ Tommy refuses to join the Mixed Feelings Mafia/ Mixed Feelings Podcast iTunes Review War update/ America’s Most Wanted Go/ Unsolved Mysteries/ Manager John’s gym/ Mr Penrose leaves a message!/ Ugly cowboys get the girls/ The duo of Brantley and Wellington/ Tommy’s beloved has her foot fisted/ Ke$ha with the dollar sign/ Rich Chigga/ P*ss on It/ Dexter from Let’s Get Drunk and Talk Comics/ Tommy gets called out/ Tommy’s lower butt/ Roman Reigns/ Manager John’s breast pump/ Kid Rock Tales/ Tommy has the smallest eyes/ Response Thing

 

Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826
 
 
Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast
Follow Randy on Twitter: @mretailslave
Follow Tommy on Twitter: @TomEComedy
 
Intro: “Hard Times” by Dan “D-Boy” Amboy
Check out his music: https://soundcloud.com/dan-amboy
(Episode 126)

Direct download: S04E26.We_All_About_Those_Oats__Hoes.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 3:29pm EDT

Mosquito bites/ Killing mosquitos/ The world’s most effective birth control/ The Monster/ Dealing with problem children/ Finding your muse at the bottom of Bud Lite/ The Mystery Suitcase/ Tommy has never mowed a lawn/ The Country Gym/ A bald woman or a woman with a mullet/ Six degrees of idiocy/ Jungle gyms/ Parallel bars/ That time Randy broke his trachea/ A drinking town with a football problem/ girls who want country guys/ The evolution of an idiot/ Talk about fashion/ Randy becomes country/ Tommy’s floating hat/ A tall hat for a husky boy/ Donald Trump/ iTunes Review War continues/ Andrea is a traitor/ Bad podcast/ The Rap Music Name Game/ Trying to get a date using Jason Isbel/ Tommy gets enraged/ Tommy is an insult artist/ Open relationships/ Sit down and try, for once/ Get that cabbage/ The Miserable Hotline/ Pail of Snot/ Avoiding people in the ‘80s/ Telephone phobias/ Bagpipes and people/ To be a fly on the wall of Tommy’s medulla oblongata/ Camping in the same town you live in/ Tommy apologies again/ Hiking/ Bike trail tales/ Saint Tommy passes judgement/ Missed Connections/ Security questions on missed connections/ We open a big can of earthy, fat worms/ Lost in your Eyes/ Where’s your drywall at, sir?

Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826
 
 
Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast
Follow Randy on Twitter: @mretailslave
Follow Tommy on Twitter: @TomEComedy
 
Intro: “Hard Times” by Dan “D-Boy” Amboy
Check out his music: https://soundcloud.com/dan-amboy
(Episode 125)

Direct download: S04E25._Mouth_Jazz.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:49pm EDT

 

This week:

 

Bearding/ The Human Feline/ Spit washing your hair/ “Reviews to Play”/ Is the white flag being raised in the iTunes war with Mixed Feelings Podcast?/ Spunky/ Women are monsters/ Pokémon GO/ Pokémon GO is the scheme of a super villain/ Adult Pokémon/ Ronnie the Mullet/ Slime/ Tommy wants to be Dr Dre/ Tommy was the coolest kid in his neighborhood/ Joey Alabama/ Tommy loves “Straight Out of Compton”/ JR/ Starter jackets/ Grunt like a man/ Bad elbow tattoos/ Compass tattoos/ Offended by a compass/ Ryu noises/ Nice guy loving girls are fables/ Levels/ Wrong Trombone, Tommy/ Tommy is North America/ The Hawk/ Randy takes credit for Tommy’s accomplishments/ Tubes and tentacles/ Some squid mouth/ Regional references/ The Country Music Name Game/ Randy turns into a cricket/ Florida Georgia Line/ A giant mediocre bomb/ Tide Properly, country music star/ Rock on/ The ol’ Dial Pad/ Messages on The Miserable Hotline/ “I’m sorry all the people”/ How phone calls work/ Red Roof Inn stories/ A celebrity encounter at the Red Roof Inn/ 3 Degrees of Jamie Kennedy/ Let’s Get Drunk and Talk Colonics/ Making the talent happyTommy did his first pull up/ Resurrection Cola

 

 

Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826

 

 

Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast
Follow Randy on Twitter: @mretailslave
Follow Tommy on Twitter: @TomEComedy

 

Intro: “Hard Times” by Dan “D-Boy” Amboy
Check out his music: https://soundcloud.com/dan-amboy

(Episode 124)

 

Direct download: S04E24._Cat_Daddy_Driving_a_Caddy.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 1:24pm EDT

S04E23. The Soundtrack to Driveway Drinking

Chest workout/ Gum in your hair/ The CURSE/ Respectful and kind?/Tell me more about Ians/ Wrigley/ No Hulk Hogan vs Ultimate Warrior for Randy/ Bazooka Joe/ Squirt device/ Tomm-emojis/ Like riding a bike/ Juliette Miranda and David the Producer from The Unwritable Rant podcast/ THE MISERABLE HOTLINE (810) 328-3826/ iTunes review war with Mixed Feelings podcast/ Your Sketchers are trying to kill you/ Elbows and A-holes/ Switchblade haircuts/ Online dating updates/ Did Ariel ever respond?/Nonstop S-n-Gs/ generic American nicknames/ Randy is a bell jar/ Tommy’s announcement/When you look cool smoking/ “Pretty in good shape”/ Tommy’s still kinda fat/ Randy starts his two month plan/These public restrooms/ Bathroom stall wisdom/ Instant relief/ God’s toilet paper/ Toilet Wallpaper/ Tommy starts to spontaneously bleed/ Women make rainbows/ Feedback about last week’s episode/ Updates on The Convenience Nurse/ Webber/ The Misogynist Maestro/ Piss On It/ Unobtainable goals/ You have a good now/ Gift card, not gas card/ the best gas station attendant in the world/ Thanks, Mr. Brightside/ Tommy’s in a comedy draught/ Tommy tries some one-liners/Nose bleed for the rest of all time/Big Timed

 

 

Call The Miserable Hotline!!! (810) 328-3826

 

 

Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast
Follow Randy on Twitter: @mretailslave
Follow Tommy on Twitter: @TomEComedy

 

Intro: “Hard Times” by Dan “D-Boy” Amboy
Check out his music: https://soundcloud.com/dan-amboy

(Episode 123)

Direct download: S04E23._The_Soundtrack_to_Driveway_Drinking.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 3:33pm EDT

A BONUS music show while you wait patiently for a full length, brand new episode. What a treat!

 

Minority of a Minority/ Top rock songs/ What is blink-182 even doing?/ you’re the priesthood/ Bishop Briggs/Anything with claps/ All the THE bands/ Calling Mr. YouTube/ The Struts/ So overproduced/ The time Randy went to see Al Gore/ I don’t know my phrasing/ Ron Thunderhawk Smith/ Lars beat the Internet/ Presidents of the United States of America/ Mach 5/ Nudes of you/ Jim Breuer

 

Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast
Follow Randy on Twitter: @mretailslave
Follow Tommy on Twitter: @TomEComedy

 

Intro: “Hard Times” by Dan “D-Boy” Amboy
Check out his music: https://soundcloud.com/dan-amboy

(Episode 122)

Direct download: S04E22._Ahead_of_the_Curb.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 11:38am EDT

S04E21. Her Face was a Rorschach Test

A Secret Mistress/ Jortney/ Mudstreaks/ Tommy’s tombstone inscription/ Waitresses/ Conversations with Sober Tommy/Fruit Beer/ Bud Lite whispers/ A list of Tommy’s problems/ Do d-bags ever get tired of being douchey/ The Douche Program/ Line tattoos/ Crushing protein G’s/ Randy’s hair debacles/ “Don’t bite the fist”/ Saint Tootsie/ A Wolfman Baby/ The Convenience Nurse has a boyfriend/ Shout out to the moon/ ethical boners/ Pear: vegetable or fruit/ Cobweb elbows/ Loyalty Tattoo/ The Meaning of Cobweb Tattoos/ Updates on Ariel and online dating/ Is she an Ariel or an Ursula?/ Delicious B…./ Those bennies/ Raccoon Guy/ Underappreciated orgy guy/ The Bev Hypothesis/ Build an Acme trap/ Don’t have Sebastians/ Xanax Bars/ the Cannabis Cup/ Randy’s prog-rock band, Pipe N Bong/ Liking Phish/ iTunes reviews/ Dexter from Let’s Get Drunk and Talk Comics/ The Namor Podcast/ Aquaman’s wet t-shirt contest/ Skate or die/Tommy downloads the Couch Party app/Tommy yells into his phone/Anti-social media

 

(Episode 121)

 

Instagram: @Miserableretailslavepodcast

Twitter: @MRetailSlave

Direct download: S04E21._Her_Face_was_a_Rorschach_Test.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 7:47pm EDT

S04E20. Discount Ramen

Randy is discount ramen/ “down to Earth”/ Out of my league/ The Velveeta Mac/ Hunks/ Tommy has a smart phone!/ The Gravy Train/ Tommy talks into his phone/ Jortney/ Nose rings/ The Nose Taint/ Small Town Saturday Night/ Dancing on Ladies Night Out/ Secretly a Dancing Guy/ Randy won High School and Prom/ John Hughes Prom/ Prom Queens Gone Wild/ Tommy Two Shots/ The Death of Randy/ Things that should not be/ Speaking of Dying/ Tommy knows the lyrics to Magic Carpet Ride/ Randy’s Epic Rant/ The Thrilling Memoirs/ Poets/ Shoelaces/ Saving a bag/ Finding Moderation Tommy/ Paranormal Chef/ HAB’s cosplay idea/ Ruining Catwoman/ Sentimental Randy/ One Single Tear/ Documentary Now/ Michelle Pfeiffer/ P*ss On It/ Tommy hates cigarettes/ Smoking/ Canada’s Angriest Son/ Bragging about Memes/ Disclaimer Boy/ Feedback from S04E19/ Budgens/ Wooing women on online dating sites/ The Rug Doctor is Here/ Wonky Eye/ FISHING PUNS/ Let me tap that bass/ Be my shrimp boat captain/“I didn’t have to go fishing, I found my bass”/ Outdoorsy/ Too much adjective glory with a critical typo/Ariel or Ursula

Follow us on Instagram: @miserableretailslavepodcast
Follow Randy on Twitter: @mretailslave
Follow Tommy on Twitter: @TomEComedy

 

Intro: Intro: “Hard Times” by Dan “D-Boy” Amboy
Check out his music: https://soundcloud.com/dan-amboy

(Episode 120)

Direct download: S04E20._Discount_Ramen.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 12:10am EDT


Special guest, Cassi (@mixedfeelingspc) from Mixed Feelings Podcast!!!! *blushes*

 

An all-female football league/ Curious Vanilla Ice/ Ice Boxes/ The Legend of Touchdown Tommy/ Condiments/ Mustard/ Cassi’s Nascar Adventures/ Tommy actually promotes the podcast/ Cassi gets interviewed/ Tom Selleck’s cut-out/ Commemorative Plate talk/ Favorite curse words or phrases/ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles/ TMNT in concert/ Trying to get Splinter to communicate with you/ Michelangelo Cassi vs. Chad/ Randy took nunchuks to school/ The Shredder-Krang bromance/ Krang talk/ Hulk Hogan on the beach/ Hulk Hogan’s fannypack/ When the quality gets weird/ Greek Yoda/ A real Sharknado/ Pick your horror movie icon/ Harnessing Freddy’s friendship/ What would you do if you woke up to find a cat sitting on your chest?/Cassi’s fat cat gets a manicure/ Tommy and Abe Falcon drink absinthe/ Cocaine, the drink/ The Convenience Nurse at work/ A convenient Honey/ The Honey Quota/ Diner terms of endearment/ Clarissa/ Michelangelo is bae/ Identifying your turtle/ Online dating updates/ Getting Crawfished/ Wonky Eye/ Reverse Catfishing/ Too good looking to get a job/ Redheads?/ Active profile pics/ Cassi will check your medicine cabinet/ Hooking up with a Hawking/ Cassi’s Exit Strategy/ Tommy’s worst date ever/ Drinking Hands/ The origin of Hey, girl. Hey/ Cassi’s first date/ The first time Randy heard about sex/ Getting banned on Instagram

Intro: “Hard Times” by Dan “D-Boy” Amboy
Check out his music: https://soundcloud.com/dan-amboy

Follow Mixed Feelings Podcast on Twitter (@mixfeelingspc) and Instagram (@mixedfeelingspodcast)!!!

 

Direct download: S04E19._Wonky_Eye.mp3
Category:comedy -- posted at: 6:17pm EDT